One Year (almost) Finished

Today marked the end of 3/5 of my classes for the second semester of my freshman year.  Like every other day, my roommates and I met at our RA's house at 6 am for prayer. At 6:30 we walked to the school where I had a veggie omelet with hot sauce.  And then at 7, I walked into Exodus/Deuteronomy for the last time.  Well, except for my final next week...

Anyways, despite being up late studying and up early praying, I was wide awake this morning.  Exodus/Deuteronomy, though a struggle sometimes at 7 am, has been a great class and I wanted to enjoy every minute of it.  

Going with the Israelites through this journey of being saved from oppression, and then led through the wilderness has been so emotional: through the hard parts, the frustrating parts, the moving parts, and the emotional parts. 

Today, we had chapters 30-34 to cover in an hour and a half.  And then we were done.  Moses died, I put a big check mark over those two books, and wiped my hands of Exodus and Deuteronomy.  

Nah...my mind was turning as the class ended, and with 15 minutes until my last Spirit & Law class, I wrote down some thoughts.  

Moses has been on this journey with the Israelites for 40 years.  40 stinkin' years with a people who are often referred to as "stiff-necked"! He has lived through 2 generations, leading them through this wilderness classroom - teaching them the commandments and preparing them to live in this promised land they are now before.  

For 40 years, he has humbled himself before Yahweh, putting aside his personal desires, ambitions, and plans in order to serve God and lead this "stiff-necked" people.  This is what his life has consisted of: getting this people to the land.  His entire life.  

And they've made it! They're before the land, getting ready to enter.  But after a whole chapter of how Yahweh will be faithful and bless them in the land, in 31:14 Yahweh speaks to Moses: "Your time to die is near..."  Moses won't be entering the land.  But it just gets worse in verse 16: "Soon you will lie down with your ancestors.  Then this people will begin to prostitute themselves to the foreign gods in their midst, the gods of the land into which they are going; they will forsake me, breaking my covenant I have made with them."

A dagger to the heart!  What a terrible ending.  What a sad picture - that this people who have been saved from oppression by a God who is offering life, a commandment so that they can live well, and a promise to make them fruitful, will turn away.  The life Moses gave up to lead Yahweh's people through the wilderness will culminate in their disobedience to him still.  

The heartache this causes Yahweh isn't even comprehensible.  But solely speaking from Moses' point of view.... still, what a horrible thing to hear.  That his whole life and all the time he spent investing in this people will result in them being unfaithful in their promise to Yahweh.  While he lay prostrate before Yahweh, humbling himself and laying down everything to partner with God, these people will simply turn to local gods and idol worship.

Just another test of faith.  Moses is at the end of his life, he's not going into the land.  He's human and his mortality is knocking on the door.  He's been a humble and obedient servant so far, but will he remain obedient knowing this?  Will he have faith that God is going with them into the land?  Or will he give up? He's old, he's dying, and these people are going to disobey anyway... why not just give up? Why be obedient?  What is there to hope for?

Moses chooses to have faith: faith that God, despite the people's unfaithfulness to uphold their side of the covenant, will continue to be faithful to his side of the covenant: to build up a people who will reveal the character of God to the world through their love and care for another.   

Then I thought about Jesus.  Jesus, who lived this incredible life, but died as a criminal.  He fed people, he clothed them, he ate with them, associated himself with the lowly of society, and loved them.  But in his darkest hours, his friends fell asleep on him rather than praying with him.  His best friend denied knowing him.  And then, he was beaten and hung on a cross.   At the end of his life, he looked like a criminal...a weak human with nothing to show.  

All he could do was remain obedient and have faith.  Faith that God hadn't called him to be different only to forsake him.  That God was with him, and his life would be a light to others.  The revelation of Yahweh and the example of how to live.  

Then, true to the recurrent theme throughout Exodus/Deuteronomy: I remembered my own story.  

I remembered how God called me just under a year ago to partner with him to shed light on dark situations and bring justice to his people who suffer.  And the sacrifice this required.  That I've had to continually give up my own dreams, my own hopes, and my own plans for my own future.  Dreams that weren't bad, hopes that were dignified, and plans to live with people I loved dearly for the rest of my life.  

I thought about how I've had to lay all of that aside and walk humbly before the LORD.  I've been tested to see if I will be obedient... if I truly believe and have faith.... that he will redeem me, heal me, and then use me to do good.  That despite all the doubts against the decisions I've made and the path I've chosen... despite how silly or radical it all may seem, I have faith that he will use my life to be an example for others and to bring healing, redemption, and justice to the suffering people of this world.  

I've had to walk with faith - believe that he will not forsake me.  Everyday I must choose to believe that God is with me.  That he is helping me.  That he didn't call me to do this to leave me alone in it... to set me up to fail, but that he is near, helping me, and that in my obedience, he will use me.   

sticks and stones may break my bones... and your words will hurt me

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

That was always a fun comeback as a 7 year old...an easy one to resort to.  Really stickin' it to 'em with that one.  Yet, after I would use it, I always felt like I was trying to convince myself of it more so than the punk cousin I was trying to get back at.

The effort to protect children from one another's harsh and impulsive words is noble and good, yet the statement itself is such a lie.  Break my bone, and I'll forget once it's healed.  Say something to me, and I will carry it with me.  If intended to hurt, the possibility is high that you will break my trust, break my self-esteem, and break my heart.

Words, especially written words, are powerful.  They have the power to transform minds and sequentially the lives of people.  They can plant small seeds of thought: ideas that the movie Inception demonstrated can be parasitic: taking over one's mind and life.

Both for the good and sometimes for the bad, words are powerful.

With this power, writing inevitably bleeds into our social world.  The spoken word is an obvious and necessary aspect of social activity, but writing itself affects us in a more subliminal, but no less impactful way.

On a basic level, the ability to write and create something available to others is crucial in our holistic development as humans.  The act of writing empowers us as we have within us an ability, no matter the situation or circumstance, to affect others.  It gives us a voice and a way to bring into the open what brings us joy or weighs on our minds.  This then opens a venue for relationship with others.

As we share in the vulnerable experience of bleeding our thoughts and feelings onto page and allowing others to read, we find shared experiences and a cure to the loneliness that results from feeling imprisoned in one's own mind.

We find friendships and we find life - a step towards a more intimate and rich social network.

My own experience with such empowerment and even healing that comes from the ability to communicate in this way drives me in wanting to see this manifested in those who have no voice: the poor who society doesn't see as valuable enough to educate.  I want to help free them from the imprisonment they feel: to give them a voice.

Thank God for Men :)

Patriarchy.  A source of contempt for many individualistic women.  Every independent woman gets fired up about a society ruled by men: the feminist movement, the relinquishing of womanly duties, and competition for male-dominated roles.  I, too, have been offended by our male-dominated society and have rebelled against it...against the need for men and against my desire to be taken care of.

But, the more I learn, experience, and observe, the more I come to understand and respect the value in a patriarchal society.  **(I say this now so that you don't think this is a man-bashing entry written by a feminist, naive, and independent girl blogger.  I share observations concerning the way men have failed, but bear with me all you men-readers: I value you and your role in society and commend all of the wonderful traits that make you great leaders, husbands, fathers, and brothers.)**  :)

I think a lot of this tension comes from the misuse of women by men.  The majority of men do not fulfill the role they were intended to.  While they dominate in nearly all roles of leadership, they have greatly misused their authority.  They do not act as protectors of women and children, but exploit women and children for their own gain.  

In general, men have largely become people unworthy of respect or trust.  They are often greedy and selfish: driven by instinctual desire for power and consumed with chasing after lust.  They do not display the character of a good neighbor, brother, son, husband, or father.  They do not display the image and character they were made in.

This failure in society's men has resulted in gender confusion all across the board.  As men are seen as exploiters of trust and faith, women do not allow them to be in roles they were made for.  Women no longer trust them to adequately fulfill those roles.  Women no longer trust men to be caretakers of them or their children.  Women feel the need to overcompensate - to fulfill these roles.
The result: gender and role confusion, and all kinds of problems that reach and negatively affect all aspects of society...producing an extremely unhealthy world with unhealthy people.
This takes all kinds of forms, many pretty obvious, many too complicated to get into.  None of it is good...none of it is the way it was intended to be.

In my Exodus/Deuteronomy class, we have gotten to chapter 22.  On the first read, I wasn't impressed.  Through the archaic language and culture, I didn't see the significance of what was being communicated.  But, in remembering all that I've learned in Genesis and Exodus and giving the law a second read, I caught on to the picture being portrayed and the effort being made with these "statutes and ordinances".  I saw a law that was striving to protect dependent and vulnerable elements of society: women.

Yes, no matter what we want to believe or how badly we fight it, we, women, are vulnerable and dependent.  Although we have a most important job of taking care of babies and raising children, we were not meant to take care of ourselves alone.

Deuteronomy portrays women as dependents...under the protection and authority of either father or husband.
While Deuteronomy gives this responsibility and even authority to men, it also provides checks on their power.  Limits put in place to avoid societies like what ours has become: where men misuse their power over women to take advantage of them rather than protect them.

These limits and checks: ultimately manifested in men who answer to God - who seek wisdom and guidance from him...seeking to emulate God's character to his wife, children, and the rest of society.  That's a man worthy of respect.

And what a world: where women don't have to sacrifice their gentile, nurturing, and weak (yes, weak) nature in order to be strong and independent in the face of men who will hurt them and exploit them.  Where men can be the authoritative voice and leader and women can be their helpers.

Don't fight against it girls: we are great helpers.  Men couldn't lead without our help.  We need each other.  Equally. But we need each other when we are operating in the right roles.

Women need taken care of.  Men need the help of women.