I Will Never Leave You

     The rain poured the entire day, but my spirits remained high. Thursdays generally tempt me to lax on the homework and allow my overloaded brain to vegetate for a while. However, this Thursday I was surprisingly productive as I did my best to get ahead on homework in preparation for the arrival of my mom and grandma this weekend. In between classes and homework, I even allowed myself a study break to have cookies and apple cider with my Literary Analysis class. Fellowship with awesome people, productivity, great classes, and my excitement to see my mom and grandma all contributed to my high spirits. However, as I walked away from a class discussion of William Kunstler, my spirits lifted higher. As we discussed Kunstler’s life, I sporadically experienced cold chills up my arms and felt that sudden burst of warmth in my heart.

     At the beginning of our discussion, we noted the risks Kunstler took in advocating for civil rights. These risks and his incredible efforts indicated his passionate concern for people during a time when such concerns were ostracized. However, Kunstler was alone. Even his family didn’t understand why he defended terrifying people, or why he seemed willing to risk everything to fight for what he believed in. For two years, he fought for one family’s right to move into an apartment in the white part of town. But this couple would live alone – Kunstler’s impact would stop with this family. Unfortunately, no matter how passionate, talented, or devoted a person is, the impact he makes as a single human is limited. Kunstler spent his entire life removing himself from the system he found so many flaws in. He spent his time deconstructing it, and then fighting against it. Yet, he did this alone.

     If a person spends any amount of time – especially a life time – deconstructing the value systems he grew up knowing, but feeling alone in his convictions, he can literally go insane with his inability to find purpose in all of his efforts. So explains the reason Kunstler seems to have lost his mind towards the end of his life and why I’ve faced similar frustrations. When I graduated high school, I felt frustrated with the path life seemed to be forcing me down. As I get older, I find myself silently critical of all the ideologies society grasps onto and the tacit traditions and rituals people seem to mindlessly practice.

     However, my heart is filled with joy when I think about all the amazing people I will partner with in the pursuit of justice. The ability to see my future in this way evokes tears, because this picture is so much different than what I used to see. Instead of one family struggling to find identity and purpose, I see us working alongside families who share the same values, same vision, and same hope for the world. I see faces of people I love working with people we love, each of us using our individual talents and gifts to fight against injustices, love the unloved, give voice to the voiceless, and offer hope to the hopeless. I see my children growing up amongst children of a different culture, but united under the same love. I see them being a part of something bigger than I can dream of, presenting a hope to the world I can hardly fathom. I won’t be alone, and this new vision and new hope keeps my spirits alive. In these dreams and hopes I have, I won’t be alone, and I can’t think of anything better.

written for class, 11/3/11

We Live in a Beautiful World...

     Last night, I walked into the Target bathroom and saw two girls dressing up in promiscuous outfits for Halloween.  After an awesome night celebrating a friend's birthday, my spirits immediately fell.  My entire demeanor changed from this one encounter because of the truth it reveals of our society.

     When girls are little, the dress up like princesses.  Although many think these stories have their own negative affect on girls, personally I wanted to be a princess because I wanted to believe in love.  In those stories, the prince loves one girl, and they live happily ever after.

     When these same girls grow up, they dress up in lingerie and call themselves kitty cats.  They've been jaded and conformed to the society they've grown up in.  Maybe they are uncommitted and enjoy being promiscuous, but I'm convinced that at the core, they still desire to be loved for who they are rather than what they look like. But they think that in order to survive and win the attention of men, the men who desire this and demand it, they must dress in this way.
 
     This image also made me think about the women around the world who are also dressing up like this, like they do every single night, in order to survive.  Women whose innocence is stolen and whose lives are ruined because of men who have abandoned their responsibility to be the protectors and caretakers of women and children to fulfill their lustful desires.

     After this I went home and read about Michal and David.  Michal loved David so incredibly much and David shows no emotion or concern for Michal.  She is a political alliance and that is all.  Michal saves David's life, but David refuses to give Michal the joy every woman desires: to bring life by giving birth and raising a child.  But, men like David are so highly esteemed in society, his lack of care for his wife is easily looked over.  Michal is a victim of mistreatment from men like her father and her husband, but powerful men can get away with this.

    All of these thoughts just make me angry.  I've been angry since last night.  It's like this heavy weight that sits on me and I can't function right.  I'm overwhelmed with all the thoughts and feelings that come to mind when something like the incident in the bathroom stirs them to life.  In the heat of the moment, all I can think is that I hate our society, I hate our culture, and I hate our world.  I hate what it has become - a consumer-driven world where people are taken advantage of for the sake of getting ahead and fulfilling materialistic and lustful desires.  I hate what men can do to women.  I hate that women in every area of the world are seen as commodities rather than beautiful mothers, daughters, and sisters who bring life and light to the world.